Jews in the Synagogue (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Unlike Xianity and Islam, Judaism doesn’t look for converts. To convert means to fight through discouragement, gain knowledge, and after a process, be welcomed into the family.
On Kaka, breathing was the only requirement.
The Jewish community was so infused with Xian mentality that 7th Day Adventists were more Jewish than they were.
A Messianic Jewish community popped up with Jews who had
accepted much of the doctrine imbibed through their mother’s milk.
Dr. Vogel, for example, didn’t see Jews as being anything special. He’d converted for whatever reason he might verbalise, but it was power.
It was being taken into an organisation at the top; his money, his connections, gave him a cache he wouldn’t get elsewhere.
Burton had a Jewish ancestor and as Pharaoh did the geneology he was always able to find a Jewish ancestor. Burton had thrown himself into Judaism and followed the pattern of becoming involved with a schiksa.
Between the conversion of Vogel and the advent of C.G. there had been no other conversions. C.G., being so reform and secular would have converted the caretaker.
He fast tracked those who expressed desire. He ear marked two of the market goys, Nona and Betty, as he had a twisted sense of race.
CG. was the kind of guy who would uplift the downtrodden, but kick down anyone who thought he was his equal.
The most obvious Convert was Sheila, who was a descendent of the Cordoza Clan, Nina, the wife of a Jew whom the Board did business with. Neville and Rob had no connection to anything but had money, Tanya who was married to a Jew who never came to synagogue, and Tenisha who was a whack job.
The Israelis weren’t all that comfortable with the prospective converts. Outside of Tanya, none had much knowledge, (she, a fanatic had learned Hebrew and was trying to be more Jewish than anyone). There just didn’t seem much reason to convert, save Sheila’s return and Nina and Tanya’s marriages.
C.G. wanted the converts, and he knew how to get what he wanted. So a kind of ceremonial mikva took place at one of Kaka’s spas.
The first convert was Sheila; not a problem. Then Nina, then Tanya. By the time it was Neville’s turn the Israelis were somewhat uncomfortable, and Tenisha was almost a last straw, and then there was Rob.
Rob looked Xian, had no bloodline, and Benny, who was chaffed , saw him on a cell phone after service and became incensed.
It was not a ‘Rob’ incense.
Benny was annoyed that filming took place on Yom Kippur. He was annoyed at the kind of Amidah C.G. was spewing. He was annoyed at the conversions. Rob was just the finale.
Rob took Benny’s action to heart and was a bit surprised to receive phone calls from Ratty, from C.G all ordering him to apologise to Benny.
The interesting thing was that Hand Puppet, the current President of the Board bought out the argument so completely that after Benny left the country for a visit, (unbeknown to Hand Puppet,) he was still pushing this ‘apology’ until I told him; ‘how can Rob apologise if Benny is in Toronto?”
This was a hallmark of the Board.
There was a ‘President’ who had no power, no control, but filled a position. Old Dawg and Buddah squatted on the Board with no ideas only prejudices and internal agendas.
Old Dawg had a son, Chris, who had some pretension to power and had been on the Board but had his problems, so quit. Also on the Board was the rarely seen Herbert, father of Ratty.
Pharaoh had all the power, and tended to get what he wanted. Before Hand Puppet was President there was Trevor, who didn’t bow to Pharaoh. This caused his dismissal and disappearance. With the elevation of Hand Puppet, Pharaoh had the Power without the title.
The Converts were a rather odd group.
Sheila came for her conversion then was rarely seen. She had been a Friday night regular. Tanya had sang in the choir with some restraint. Once converted, she developed a hysteria
She sang louder than anyone, she changed melodies at will, she brought in songs that no one else knew, so she could sing them alone.
Where Vic was laid back and would sing lower when Vogel had an attack of ego, and where Phil would stop singing in case it became a tone war, Tanya wouldn’t.
She would outshout Vogel, her voice into a shriek, his cracking like fireworks.
Even when alone, Tanya would shriek, her eyes closed, totally focused, trying to prove to herself that she knew what she was doing.
She tried to impress me but failed so resigned herself to me not being a detractor. None of the Entitled had anything to do with her, but like Burton held herself out to be used as she accepted their status.
The reason C.G. wanted these people converted was to give him a minyan and fulfill his mandate of bringing more people into shul.
Before he came the usual Shabbat was Ratty, Benny, Dov, Pnchus, myself, old Mrs. Hannah, Vic, Burton, with the advent of Pharaoh or Hand Puppet, or Trevor, or Sybil and her sisters Irma and Shelly, and a few Jews from about the place so that we usually had a minyan.
After C.G.’s arrival the minyan was Benny, Dov on occassion, Pinchus, myself, Hanna, Vic, Burton, Ratty on occassion, Pharaoh or Hand Puppet, and C.G.
With Neville and Tanya, as fairly regular, the minyan was more likely to be made.
Hence the conversions didn’t really solve the low attendance problem.