Buying The Pop Corn

They could have asked me to run the Home.  But they didn’t.  They hired Shirl.  I hadn’t been able to understand why they allowed the Hippo to wallow for a decade, but as no one was interested in what I have to say, I shrugged.

I assumed Shirl was given the job because having screwed up her life and lost everything, she really did need a place to stay and a few dollars.

When she came, I was nice, but, as Shirl is a rather repulsive sort, I pulled back, especially when Schvatz began to play her.

I have no particular need to make enemies.  So, I said nothing.  I don’t mention how Schvatz had her own room for rent, room 10, which Shirl wouldn’t know about.

I doubt Pigthing said anything to Shirl, and if she did, or if Schvatz did, it would be done in the kind of brain freeze way that would get Shirl agreeing.

Shirl had taken a particular member of the congregation into ‘her’ house, (that is the one here at the Home) and her car.   The woman left.

Shirl has been absent most of the time, whether locked into her room or away.

She has no idea what is happening and I’m sitting back, making sure no one can say I saw, or I knew.

That’s the cool thing about staying in the background and being silent.  No one can say for a fact that I know what is going on.

Last night I was at shul, standing outside, waiting for K.  Lots of people passed me. Only one asked if I had a lift home.

That’s why I buy my own pop corn, and stay silent.


As The Shul Turns – Episode 115


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Pesach; a time for families to gather and celebrate.

Oh, I remember being young, my family around me, going through each moment, done the right way.   It mattered.

Then in Kaka I avoided the synagogue.   I knew it was there, but years, decades, I avoided it.

Then, learning my father had died eight years before, and no one cared to tell me, I went to the shul.   I wanted to say kaddish for my father, and maybe, again, consider aaliyah.

The first Pesach Shirl paid my way.  She’d bought two tickets, and her son was not going, so at 12 Noon she called me, and sure, I was there.  It was not much, but it reminded me of when.

The next, thinking I was part of the community, I bought a ticket and came as any member, and it was the same as before.

After that, I would sit with my friends and we’d have a nice enough evening.

No one is here now.  They’ve gone away.  And Kiefer is not coming.

So why should I go?   So I can sit among people who make me feel like a pimple?


I’ll stay home and let it pass, let it pass as I let it pass for so many years.

As The Shul Turns- episode 114

Shirl, who I once knew as being mildly intelligent, has been played like a piano by Schmutz.

Imagine a very unattractive female, in every way, shape and form, but a con woman to the core.

Schmutz, seeing that I knew Shirl, decided to make the cut.

Con (wo) men need to sever any link their victim has to anyone who can or would inform them of truth.

Schmutz went and tried a trick, realising that I had the key to the lock on the back door.  She had, previously, stolen the key to cause difficulty and when learning her little game only discomforted those who didn’t know I had the key, claimed I left the door open.

If Shirl wasn’t as stupid as she is, there might have been a bit of back and forth, but instantly believing Schmutz, confronted me and so ended any relationship that might have existed.

Shirl put on a new lock, Schmutz took the key and has absolute control over the the back door.

No one else has a key.  Only Schmutz.

Schmutz keeps the key.

No one, especially not me, is going to say a word to Shirl.

This was part of Schmutz’s plan, for, unknown to Shirl, Schmutz has a key to room 10.

So here is the Jewish Home.  Schmutz rents room 8 but also has control of Room 10. She has the only key to the back door.

So, people can easily call Schmutz, come around to the back gate, she’ll open it, and they can enjoy the room.

Shirl hasn’t a clue.  But never did.

As The Shul Turns – Episode 113

The JPS came to lock off the light at the Jewish Home on Friday.   They were buzzed in by whomever,  and looked for the ‘person in charge’.

Shirl, for the past weeks is absent more than present.   No one knows where she is.  And few care.

As bad as the Hippo was, she was present.

The Pigthing, the Helper, was now having to see the JPS, had no time on her phone because the communication with the ‘Office’ would be on the phone locked into the premises in which Shirl was to reside.

Pigthing borrowed my phone, used off all my time trying to contact, and finally getting the office.   Apparently the Bill had been paid but the JPS team which had been sent out was unaware of it.

So electricity was cut off.

Then, to leave, the JPS workers had to put the electricity back on to open the gate.   So they did, and left the gate open.

When Shirl finally came back, just behind the JPS workers who were to return the electricity her big mouth went shouting about;  “You left open MY GATE. ”   She stood there, fat and crooked, angry and pointless in a torn pair of jeans that she couldn’t have worn successfully twenty years ago.

The girls were excited that the light and internet was returning, and in her sour way she barked, ‘Why you so excited?’  as if Queen Shirl was in charge.

I never thought I would miss the Hippo.

Mapping the Death of a Jewish Congregtion


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It has often be said that the only reason Jews survived was due to oppression.  The hypothesis is that it was oppression that forced Jewish communities to stay together and maintain their identity.

No Jewish community was as un-oppressed as that in KaKa.

The first Jews arrived in 1494 with Columbus.  Appreciating the benefit of settlement, these Conversos, persons who pretended to convert to Christianity, lived comfortably on the island. They secretly practiced their religion until 1655 when England invaded.

The Jews, who had assisted the various Pirates and Privateers, had won the favour of Oliver Cromwell, so no longer needed to hide their religion.  Synagogues were erected and the community could live as themselves.

Over the centuries many left the faith and even more married outside the religion, claiming to be Jews but living as Christians.

Today, most of the so-called Jews of Kaka have very little Jewish blood.   Their great grandparents might have been Jews, but their grandparents married Christians, their parents lived partially as Christians if not fully, and they, deep in their fifties, are married to Christians. They attend the synagogue, with their pretend version of Judaism.

Their children, in their thirties, know little or nothing of the religion, and couldn’t care less.

As the congregation is rich, as the members are no longer wealthy, they tend to plunder the treasury.  Being the least of their families, they have no head for business, no knowledge of life.

The membership of Beth Shalom is made up of the family failures.   The successful left Kaka when it took Independence, fleeing to America, Canada, England.   Their semi-useless relatives were left to bankrupt the businesses they had owned.

One of the remarkable things about the Jews of Kaka is that many Jews had monopolies, whether over building materials,  vehicles, electronic goods, etc.   As soon as there was competition, the Jewish company failed.

This is because having been raised in wealthy homes, the fifty year old ‘infant’ is unable to take care of him/herself, unable to comprehend basic business practices, so survives by selling the business, selling land, and squandering the money.

Shirl, for example, who now sits in what had been the Hippos Wallow, may have been born in a rich home.  May have grown as the spoiled darling of parents who made no money and spent what was there, so that today, she has nothing.  No house, no car, and no sense.

The congregation is small, getting smaller, and the converts equal the so-called born Jews; the sons and daughters of a Christian and a Jew.   Usually a Christian mother.

These ‘Jews’ know nothing, they want to know nothing, and they use the shul as a stage, to recapture the days when they, as children of the wealthy, paraded in their finery.

Chabad sits on the North Coast, making light incursions, knowing that in less than forty years, they will own the synagogue.   For there will be no other Jews in Kaka.


As The Shul Turns – Part 112



Pharaoh sends an email to the members.   He calls himself ‘the senior president’ of the congregation.

Over the years, perhaps decades, he made most people dislike him.   When he hired Crazy Guy, the dislike moved to hate.

Mollusk worked on that hate and was elected President for the purpose of destroying Pharaoh and everything he did.

Getting rid of C.G, the gal in the office, the Hippo were his babies, and he takes the credit.  But Mollusk is even more obnoxious that Pharaoh.

Now, replaced by Ari,  the war begins.   Pharaoh launches his email knowing that anyone who has to spend any time with Mollusk will find him repulsive.

Ari is going to be caught in the middle.  An Israeli who doesn’t understand the filth of character which infests these so-called Jews of Kaka.

Shirl, for example, who replaced the Hippo, a member of the congregation, (who was converted by C.G.) had her family come to her Xmas dinner.  The stink of the ham pervaded the Jewish Home.

The Pigthing, the so-called helper, spent a few nervous days, thinking she’d have to work, but learning how stupid and easy to manipulate Shirl is,  laughed and not only is back to doing next to nothing, but spends her days in the Big House, lounging on the sofa, listening to Shirl.

The ‘War’ in the Congregation is just in it’s early stages, Chabad watches from a distance, and I’m on my second bag of pop corn.


As the Shul Turns – Episode 111

So there’s Shirley sitting on the veranda… asking me why I didn’t go to the Presidental Kaddush.

She’s an evil creature, not worthy of much comment, but I tell her what she knows, as she is in that batch of mock Jews.

She doesn’t like me.  Most wish I’d never crossed the door of the synagogue.    That I know it, that I admit it, probably will lead to a lot of conversations.

Possibly next week there will be the false smiles and the ‘how are you?’


As The Shul Turns – Episode 110



The horrible Mollusk has been replaced by Ari, an Israeli.   He’s easier on the eyes.   One of the first acts was to get rid of the Hippo.

The Hippo has been in the wallow forever.  I don’t know what one of the male Directors she owned, but whomever it was no longer has the power to maintain her.

It has taken months to get her out and to run the place they popped in my old ‘friend’ Shirley.

Shirley has not been able to move in, first because the Hippo wouldn’t move out, and secondly, that she left the place in such filth.

I did a bit of explore and when it comes to the tag line; ‘unrentable’ as she tried to paste on me when I left A1,  her rooms truly are.

Hippo had a deep freeze, a Fridge, and Air conditioner which she ran all the time.  The electricity bill was enormous.   But what did Hippo care?  It was all free to her.

The idiots on the Board paid her to live free and do nothing.

Shirl is trying to figure out the ‘books’ that Hippo kept.   Further, there were letters that had been sent to the address for the various tenants which the Hippo never delivered to them… never even had delivered.

Shirl hired a painter, and bought first quality paint.  Unless what Mollusk used to paint the other rooms.

Everything in Hippo’s wallow is defective.   One assumes she made sure of that before she left.

In a way, I’m glad I’m not Shirl.  For it’s going to be a lot of work for her and she’s more likely to get into conflict with them and march off.

Buying the pop corn from now.

As The Shul Turns 109


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The Friday Night I attended Shul; that was Yom Kippur eve.   I spent the day alone, and it was, again an ‘easy fast’.

The next holiday came on Wednesday and I went and spoke with Ratty.

Ratty has always produced a divide within me.   I don’t think he likes me at all.   I don’t think he wants me around… yet on another level,  he is accepting.

The obnoxious nature of Paul Molluck is over whelming.  When he is not present there is a lifting of the weight… the same with Pharaoh.

Pharaoh had taken over every aspect of Jewish Life, from genealogy to overseeing holidays, to hiring staff.  As he was enamoured of his own brilliance, he was the easiest guy in the world to play.   Everyone he thought ‘inferior’ ripped him off, and the members of the Congregation, seethed in hatred.

As Hand Puppet has half a brain, and Ratty is his abused nephew, there was no real confrontation.

Then Molluck.

This is a guy who came onto the Board with the desire to destroy Pharaoh and everyone and thing associated with him.

As easily taken as Pharaoh, the so-called helper would arrive not at 8 or 9, but after 10, do mostly nothing, leave before 4.

The Hippo continued to do absolutely nothing at all whatsoever and she ‘is leaving’ and has been for three years.  She’s still here.

The painters and plumbers got their take, and to attempt to alert him is met by instant slap down.

Recently, Pharaoh asked if the Congregation would take part in the Herzl awards.  Because he suggested it, they decided not to.   Pharaoh said he would go up to N.Y. to represent Ka-Ka, so he was told that he could NOT represent the Congregation.

One can understand the anger at Pharaoh for the hiring of C.G.  but the hatred, brewed over decades, now pours out so that he is not wanted at the synagogue.

I am thinking of making aaliyah.

Before Yom Kippur

It is going to be one of those times when I have to consider whether I want to be in synagogue with some of the worst people I have ever met in my life; who will ‘play’ the pious Jew, or if I will stay home and try to purify my soul on my own.

Last year, I stayed home.  I fasted and it was, remarkably, an ‘easy’ fast.    I followed the services on the Internet, and I felt more in shul here, alone, that I would among those people.

In a way, I am sorry that I ever encountered them.

Growing up, I had been connected to those people with souls and charity, who tried to live a certain way.   I learned so much at home, so much from the neighbours, without realising it, so that when I am exposed to these false Jews it is like being an anthropologist studying some peculiar sect.